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To meet a growing demand for counselling services in Edinburgh, The Spark is set to open a new location in the city this month. Complementing their 13 locations across Scotland, the country’s leading counselling provider will open The Spark Counselling Edinburgh this January 2019.

Partnering with the Eric Liddell Centre, The Spark Counselling Edinburgh will provide individual, couple, marriage and family counselling services and support.

The perfect location for The Spark Counselling Edinburgh

“The Eric Liddell Centre is the perfect location for The Spark offering clients a safe, peaceful setting in Edinburgh for counselling and support”, says CEO Stella Gibson. “This expansion reflects increased demand across the board for Edinburgh counselling services and particularly in the west and south-west of the city.”

Explaining the decision to open the new location, Gibson said: “Our ethos is to provide access to counselling for all, irrespective of circumstances or means. This new counselling location offers individuals, couples and families across Edinburgh access to affordable therapy and support services.”

The Spark partners with the Eric Liddell Centre

Established in 1965, The Spark provides counselling services for couples, individuals and families across Scotland. Providing counselling and support interactions for thousands of people each year, The Spark is one of the largest providers of therapeutic services in the country.

The Eric Liddell Centre – named after the Scottish Olympic champion and missionary depicted in the film ‘Chariots of Fire’ – provides specialist caring services. It was founded in 1980 by four local Edinburgh churches including the Morningside Congregational Church where Liddell was a member and taught Bible class.

counselling Edinburgh - exterior image of the Eric Liddell Centre in Morningside, Edinburgh — The Eric Liddell Centre in Morningside, Edinburgh.

The care charity’s mission is to be at the heart of the local community – enhancing health & wellbeing and improving people’s lives and continues to do so nearly four decades after its launch.

The CEO of the Eric Liddell Centre care charity and community hub, John MacMillan, said: “We are thrilled to welcome The Spark to the Eric Liddell Centre and I am delighted that they will base their team in our community hub.”

“I’m sure they will be a great asset to local communities and their presence will enhance the range of excellent services that are based here.”

Additional counsellors for The Spark Counselling Edinburgh

As part of the expansion, The Spark will be continuing to increase its roster of professional counsellors working with existing staff working in the Eric Liddell Centre.

For more information about The Spark Counselling Edinburgh or counselling services provided by The Spark, freephone 0808 802 0050 during opening times. Alternatively, visit the dedicated Edinburgh counselling page or complete an online enquiry.

The Spark is also the largest provider of school-based counselling and therapy services in Scotland, supporting 4,000 children and young people each academic year. Find out more about our counselling services for children and young people.

Here’s a question that came to mind on Hogmanay: why do we rarely make New Year resolutions about our relationships?

Typically we opt for an act of self-improvement like eating better, exercising more, quitting smoking or spending more time reading books that will broaden our minds and less time binge-watching Amazon Prime.

All are important in their own way but they are focused on the self and rarely have anything to do with our relationships. Certainly not directly, although eating better/exercising more can be prompted by a desire to at least partially please our significant other.

Is there such a thing as a relationship resolution?

What about spending more time with your partner and less time at work? Or trying to give your full attention to a conversation instead of trying to finish it quickly so you can get back to checking Instagram? What about making a commitment to be intimate more often or for busy couples/couples with kids, making a determined effort to schedule time for sex?

As a relationship counselling provider we know good relationships are what keep humans happy, content and secure (if you don’t believe us, check out this brilliant TED Talk about the world’s longest study into what makes us happy by Harvard University. Spoiler alert: it’s good relationships!). They do not, however, get the attention they deserve and we are all guilty of neglecting them in much the same way we neglect our waistlines over Christmas.

Why we all need to invest in our relationships

It is all too easy to fall into the trap of thinking that important relationships are just ‘there’. Especially when it comes to the one we have with our spouse or partner.

They happen. We wake up in the morning and they are there. They function and there’s nothing we really need to do about them. This is especially the case when we have been in a long relationship or other aspects of living where kids, careers and the natural ups and downs of life monopolise our attention.

In reality, our relationships are living entities in their own right. Just like humans, they need to be looked after, cared for and nourished. In much the same way that the beach body you resolved to sculpt this year will require time and effort, so too does your relationship.

Sticking to that healthy eating plan requires sacrifice and dedication. Though we hate to break it to you, those post-Christmas muffin-tops won’t shrink themselves. They need time invested in exercise and a focus on nutrition to disappear. In the same way, our relationships need time and focus to maintain their health.

When life gets in the way of nurturing that most important relationship

Some of the couples that come to The Spark for counselling do, in time, trace the start of their problems back to the moment they stopped tending to their relationship. More often than not it is simply due to circumstance rather than any deliberate action.

Life gets busy and without realising it they started treating their most important relationships as just a part of getting through the day or making it to the weekend. Before long their partner was just the other person they shared a home with and relied on to get the kids to school, pay the bills and feed the family. Like a gym membership card, the relationship just gets buried under everything else and forgotten about.

We want to wish you well in whatever you have resolved to achieve this year. If you are in need of some help take a look at our advice on keeping New Year resolutions beyond mid-January. However, before you do, we would encourage you to consider making a relationship resolution this year.

Consider a relationship resolution this New Year

Instead of settling for the usual get fit/eat less chocolate/stop watching TV options, have a think about the important relationships in your life. In particular, consider the ones involving your partner, kids and close friends/family. And be honest with yourself.

Did any of them get lip service last year? Has your relationship with your partner survived on the emotional equivalent of junk food? Have you got into the habit of spending more time glued to social media than talking to your kids about their day at school?

What part of your relationship needs some TLC?

Once you have considered which relationship could do with some attention, consider what aspect of it could do with a little TLC. Could you and your partner spend more time together? When was the last time you had a conversation that was not devoted to the daily/weekly checklists of family life? What fun things did you used to do together that you don’t really do now?

Could the TV be switched off at mealtimes to encourage the family to simply talk and listen to each other? Is it worth committing to getting home for bath time and a bedtime story more than once in a blue moon? Is it actually a ‘life-saver’ to ‘plug’ your child into a tablet if it means you rarely talk these days?

Relationships make us tick as humans. When they are good, we feel good. When they are bad, stale or in need of attention we tend to feel the same way.

So before committing to that ‘zero upfront and no fees until March gym membership’ have a think about committing to a relationship resolution instead this year.

It’s the fourth and final part of our Christmas playlist, ‘The Twelve Plays of Christmas’. Christmas is only days away, Santa is readying his sleigh and lists of presents (demands?) are being ticked off.

Which means it is a good time to remember that Christmas can be about more than accumulating more ‘stuff’.

Greg Lake, ‘I Believe in Father Christmas’

‘And I believe in Father Christmas
And I looked to the sky with excited eyes
Till I woke with a yawn
In the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise’

What age were you when you stopped believing in Santa? Was it a shock or the conclusion of a long-held suspicion? For ‘grown-up’ kids a more pressing question might be: how do I comfort my child when they find out the truth about Santa?

Some people suggest that finding out the truth about Santa can be turned into a positive experience for a child. Instead of being distraught at the loss of a much-loved fantasy, your child could be encouraged to view the experience as an important part of growing up.

They are no longer just a receiver of presents from Santa. Now they are part of a centuries-old quest to keep the magic alive for younger siblings, cousins and friends. Furthermore, it represents a perfect opportunity to encourage older kids to consider being less self-centered and a little more interested in the needs and happiness of others. This is especially important in the lead up to a season that has become – in the western world at least – synonymous with selfish excess.

The singer of ‘I Believe in Father Christmas’, Greg Lake, was part of a 70s prog-rock ban Emerson, Lake and Palmer that were noted for their excess.

Keith Emerson stood behind an array of keyboard instruments while Carl Palmer was known for his lengthy drum solos and the size of his drum kit. You might think that Greg Lake as bass player had little opportunity to be grandiose but he made up for it by purchasing expensive Persian carpets to stand on when he was on stage.

If you are breaking the truth about Santa to your child this Christmas, be gentle but also consider using it as a way to explain why no one really needs an expensive Persian rug or this year’s ‘must-have’ toy.

Mud, ‘Lonely this Christmas’

Christmas is all about friends and family, right? When you think about Christmas you probably picture an endless whirl of social gatherings, office parties and family get-togethers that start in early December and end on January 2nd. This is the reality for many of us but loneliness at Christmas is sadly also a fact-of-life for many people.

Loneliness has reached epidemic proportions in the UK, particularly amongst older people. According to Age UK, two-fifths of all older people (about 3.9 million) say the television is their main company. For those of us lucky enough to have companionship at home, in work, in study or with friends it is hard to comprehend.

Little changes can, however, make a huge difference. For example, instead of stuffing a Christmas card through your neighbour’s letterbox and trying to slip away unnoticed, ring the doorbell and have a chat. Visit your elderly neighbour or aunt/uncle instead of staying in the house and watching yet another Christmas movie on Netflix.

Even when it might feel like you don’t have the time or inclination, you can be sure that your efforts will be appreciated.

A little bit of trivia for ‘Lonely this Christmas’ is that Les Gray’s vocals are so reminiscent of Elvis Presley that there is a version of the record on YouTube, attributed to Presley, that has received 11.5m views. Believe us, despite releasing a whole album full of Christmas songs, Elvis never sang ‘Lonely this Christmas’ (apologies if that news, combined with confirmation that there is no Santa, has come as a terrible shock!).

Celine Dion, ‘Don’t Save It All for Christmas Day’

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a power ballad. While Maria Carey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas’ is said to be the best-selling modern Christmas song of all time, we prefer ‘Don’t Save It All for Christmas Day’ by fellow diva, Celine Dion.

This song has a very simple message: if you can spread good feelings at Christmas then why not try doing it all year round.

We are often encouraged or taught to believe that Christmas is about ‘peace and goodwill to all’ and to focus on giving as much as receiving. Despite the best efforts of retailers, this is supposed to be a time for putting aside selfish interests and spending time considering the needs of others.

Allegedly, one year Carey was asked to turn on the Christmas lights at Westfield Mall in Los Angeles. Apparently, she agreed to do it but only if 20 white kittens and 100 white doves were released as part of the event!

While such behaviour might be synonymous with Ms Carey, it is the polar opposite of the true meaning of Christmas. Spreading peace and goodwill is what we should try to get back to this Christmas and for that matter, every day of the year.

As Dion sings:
‘Don’t save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love every day’.

#12PlaysofChristmas

Christmas songs FairyTale of new york by The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl

Welcome to the 3^rd part of our series exploring the lessons that can be learned from well-known (and some not-so-well-known) Christmas tracks. Today we are looking at relationships during the festive period and ways to keep them in good shape.

Shane McGowan and Kirsty McCall, ‘Fairytale of New York’

Our first track is the well-worn soundtrack to many Christmas parties. Although released back in 1987it is still the most played Christmas track with a BBC poll naming it the UK’s favourite Christmas track of all time.

The popularity of this track, which appeared on The Pogues album,‘If I Should Fall from Grace with God,’ may strike you as strange given the subject matter. The Pogues’ lead singer, Shane McGowan, spends most of the time lyrically sparring with guest vocalist, Kirsty MacColl, reaching a crescendo of insults half way though the song.

Christmas is often heralded as the season of ‘Peace and Goodwill’ but sometimes these expectations can be unrealistic. If you have had a challenging year in your relationship marked by rows and splits then spending long days with your partner can seem like one challenge too many.

Some friction is natural even in the best of relationships and disagreements can be positive if they lead to constructive problem solving. However, if your relationship has been tough going for a while, it might be a good idea to sit down before Christmas and agree some ground rules so that you both make it through the holiday period. For example, decide that if you feel tensions rising you will take some time out and come back to any point-of-conflict when you’re both feeling calmer.

Aim to keep things as amicable as possible while you navigate the visits to the in-laws, the long lost friends and seldom-seen relations. Try to avoid falling into the trap of expecting Christmas to provide a band-aid for your troubles.

If things have been difficult for some time then a Christmas break is unlikely to make things better and spending more time together may make things worse. More effective would be to put a date in your diary for the New Year so that you can plan constructive ways to deal with your relationship difficulties.

Joni Mitchell, ‘River’

‘River’ is a less well-known Christmas track although it is set during the holiday period and the strains of ‘Jingle Bells’ can be heard in the piano accompaniment to the song. Joni Mitchell sings of the end of a relationship, associated regrets and the desire to move on:

‘Now I’ve gone and lost the best baby that I ever had

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.’

Joni Mitchell is one of the giants of rock music’s golden age with a creative output covering folk, pop and jazz. She has broken many barriers for women in the music industry as an archetypical 70s singer/songwriter with much of her output from that decade earning critical acclaim. She is the highest ranking female guitarist of all time according to Rolling’s Stone magazine and is also an accomplished poet and artist.

‘River’ is the second most widely covered Joni Mitchell record(after ‘Both Sides Now’) having been recorded a staggering 432 times by artists as diverse as Barry Manilow and Sarah McLachlan. It documents the break-up of Mitchell’s relationship with Graham Nash of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fame. In turn, Nash wrote ‘Our House’ about happier times together.

Like Joni Mitchell you may be facing Christmas ‘singing songs of joy and peace’ but may be filled with thoughts of what might have been. Perhaps even blaming yourself for your relationship break-up. You may find yourself thinking like Mitchel who sings ‘I’m so hard to handle, I’m selfish and I’m sad, Now I’ve gone and lost the best baby that I ever had.’

Regardless of your current view it takes two to break a relationship just as it takes two to make a relationship. Don’t lose faith in yourself or your ability to form a happy relationship. Above all, look after yourself over the holidays, eat as well as you can, exercise and make sure you get plenty of rest. Sometimes we forget to look after ourselves during tough times and end up making ourselves feel even worse.

Ron Sexsmith, ‘Maybe This Christmas’

The festive season has a bad habit of turning us into a bah-humbug Grinch. The high street crowds, the TV ads, the endless Christmas songs on the radio (how ironic) and Christmas parties. Add in endless trips to see relatives, a touch of credit card debt and we have the recipe for a bad-mood-inducing festive season.

Thankfully we can turn to this wonderful, little known Christmas tune by Ron Sexsmith. It unashamedly asks us to consider the real reason for the season; peace, love and forgiveness.

As the lyrics suggest, maybe this Christmas we might all step out of long-held grudges and offer the olive branch of peace. Or maybe we might allow Christmas to challenge us to find a deeper meaning than the consumption of gifts, food and drink.

Counselling and support services

The Christmas period can be a difficult time for many of us. Whether it is due to a difficult relationship or memories of a lost loved one, we understand that not everyone is going to have a ‘happy’ Christmas this year.

At The Spark, we have been providing counselling and support to individuals, couples, families and children for over 50 years. Our aim is to help clients to better understand their emotions and experiences, and to find ways to deal with them.

Find out more information about The Spark and our counselling services for individuals, couples and families.

What is the real meaning of Christmas? In the second of our #12PlaysofChristmas series we are highlighting a couple of tracks that remind us that Christmas can be about more than consumerism and overindulgence.

Band Aid, ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’

For those of a certain age, the Band Aid single of Christmas 1984 and Live Aid concert the following summer were era-defining moments. The recently released film, ‘Bohemian Rhapsody,’ ends (spoiler alert!) with a rousing finale as Freddy Mercury and Queen reunite to perform at Live Aid; an event that sees their reputation resurrected.

There is no doubt that fading pop stars and their careers were reinvigorated by Band Aid. However, putting cynicism to one side the efforts of Bob Geldof, Midge Ure and others did highlight the problems suffered by the Ethiopian people as well as galvanise support to do something about it.

A ‘turkey’ of a Christmas hit

The song is fairly standard fare with NME famously labelling it – rather mischievously – a ‘turkey’. Despite a poor critical reception people were encouraged to donate to the cause and the impact has been long lasting with cover versions, further concerts and additional charitable efforts like Comic Relief resulting in a significant charitable legacy.

We are often reminded that Christmas is about giving as much as receiving and rightly so. Not only does the concept of helping our fellow humans underpin every major religion, but giving is also a feel-good experience. We are social creatures and doing something charitable, however modest, can be very satisfying and contribute to positive mental health.

Why not consider a way to benefit others this Christmas and help out those less fortunate than yourself with these gift ideas? (https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/deals/charity-gifts/.)

John Lennon and Yoko Ono, ‘Happy Christmas (War is Over)’

By listening to our second track we are hoping to encourage some quiet self-reflection during the holiday period.

John and Yoko spent several years on peace campaigns and protesting against US involvement in the Vietnam War. This included highly publicised ‘bed-ins,’ a large-scale poster campaign and full-page adverts in major newspapers in the USA and UK.

Protest songs were a characteristic of John and Yoko’s earlier work together including such tracks as ‘Power to the People’ and ‘Give Peace a Chance’. It is difficult to estimate the long-term impact of this work but, as an ex-Beatle, anything Lennon said or did was bound to be listened to by a large number of people.

Time to reflect on the year passed and the one yet to come

The opening lines of the song were always intended to challenge us to consider the impact of our own activities:

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun.

Many of us have a few days off work at this time of year and while we can be busy preparing food, visiting relations and catching up with friends, there is usually some downtime. This can be a great time to take stock of the previous year’s ups and downs.

It is worthwhile to ask ourselves: what did I do that I’m pleased with? What were my disappointments? What would I like to do differently next year?

If New Year is the time for making resolutions, Christmas is the opportunity to consider our contribution to family, friends, work and community. This may be a new approach for you and so you may find it challenging. Like many things, however, practice makes perfect, and the tougher tasks are usually the most rewarding.

Alicia Keys, ‘Blended Family (What You Do For Love)’

You are unlikely to hear our final track on any Christmas Greatest Hits selection. There is only a passing mention of Christmas and the track wasn’t even a big hit (although it did reach the lofty heights of 79 in Scotland’s official charts!). Nevertheless, we believe this Alicia Keys track from 2016 contains some useful messages for a happy and positive festive season.

The song was based upon Keys’ relationships with her rapper husband Swizz Beatz (real name Kasseem Dean) and his previous marriage to singer Mashonda Tifrere. Keys and Dean have two sons and the rapper also has 3 other children including a son with Tifrere. Keys and Dean contributed to Tifrere’s book, ‘Blend: The Secret to Co-Parenting and Creating a Balanced Family’ and Keys’ subsequent track follows the book’s recommendation for creating a positive environment for children within blended families.

Families come in all shapes and sizes

You may find yourself in a similar situation to Keys, Dean and Tifrere this Christmas. Blended families are common and it is entirely possible you may be welcoming stepsons and stepdaughters along with your own children over the holiday period. Perhaps this is your first Christmas as a stepfamily and you are approaching it with some trepidation.

As our free parenting guide ‘Families Come in all Shapes and Sizes’ suggests, be prepared for everyone to feel a little unsettled. In particular, if this is your first Christmas together as a new, extended family.

It takes time for people to get to know each other, to start feeling comfortable and find a new family identity. Everyone should have their own space, however small. Try to set aside time to get to know new arrivals and be patient with challenging emotions.

Christmas is a great time for doing things together – going for a long walk in the park or watching an old Christmas film– and this can help to forge new bonds and new traditions. Above all, parents should try to work together like Alicia Keys has through her own blended family and hold true to the positive affirmation that ‘love could bring us closer than blood.’

Counselling and support services

Find out more information about The Spark and our counselling services for individuals, couples and families.

It’s beginning to feel a bit like Christmas (to paraphrase the song). To help get you in the mood we’re doing a playlist of well-known festive hits. Plus one or two Christmas-related tracks that may have passed you by.

If you have checked out our #SongsForSoundMinds playlist you will know that we like to mix a bit of music trivia with some suggestions for good mental health. Our new playlist #The12PlaysOfChristmas is no different.

Alongside some slightly nerdy music facts, there will be tips for staying positive through what might be a difficult holiday period. We start with 3 Christmas hits from the early 1980s.

Wham, ‘Last Christmas’

Pop superstar George Michael penned this perennial festive hit, ‘Last Christmas’ in 1984 and it was released by Wham, the band George played in alongside Andrew Ridgely. To this day it is the biggest selling UK single never to reach number 1.

In the year of its original release it was held off the number 1 spot by Band Aid’s all-conquering, ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’ Wham mirrored the stars of Band Aid and donated the royalties from ‘Last Christmas’ to the charity efforts in Ethiopia.

Coping with a broken heart at Christmas

The song itself is a poignant tale of frustrated love; a man ditched by his sweetheart after expressing his love. If you are recovering from a relationship breakdown yourself you may be wondering how you are going to cope with the hustle and bustle of Christmas. Especially when everyone else seems happily coupled.

However, as the song’s story relates, a failed romance can be a step to finding ‘someone special.’ It is possible to put regret in the past and to move on. Indeed the end of a relationship can be a liberating experience.

Rather than fighting for something that was hurtful and time-limited it is possible to look forward with hope and make plans for the future.

Paul McCartney, ‘Pipes of Peace’

Christmas isn’t mentioned in the lyrics of this Paul McCartney track from 1983. The main reason ‘Pipes of Peace’ takes its place in every self-respecting Christmas Greatest Hits compilation is the accompanying music video.

In it, we are transported to Christmas Day in 1914 when an impromptu football match took place between the British and German armies during the First World War. The news has been full of stories of the end of the First World War and that Christmas truce was a rare moment of humanity in a brutal campaign.

Macca is one of the most successful pop artists ever. One of his many claims to fame is that he is the only person to have number one singles as a solo artist, a duo (with Michael Jackson among others), a trio (Wings), a quartet (The Beatles) and a quintet (‘Let it Be’ was credited to The Beatles and Billy Preston).

Tell stories, play games and be together at Christmas

Family get-togethers over the Christmas period can be a good time to tell family stories, tragic as well as funny. Storytelling can help everyone feel part of something bigger which is an important part of giving life meaning.

We enjoy being part of ‘the gang’ whether it’s with family, friends or work colleagues. Feelings of togetherness and connectedness are good for even the most introverted of us. Playing board games together, laughing at a well-worn Christmas DVD or going for Christmas Day walks all add to the fun.

The Pretenders, ‘2000 Miles’

The lyrics of this Pretenders’ track would lead you to think it’s an ode to long-distance love at Christmas. Although this is not an uncommon theme for songs released at this time of year (‘Blue Christmas’ by Elvis Presley is only one example) it is not the motivation behind this hit from the Pretenders’ peak period.

The subject of this track, written by lead singer, Chrissie Hynde, is James Honeymann-Scott, the band’s original guitarist. Honeymann-Scott had died the previous year from drug-related heart failure at the age of just 25. The track’s melancholic strains, together with the chiming lead guitar line, remind us that Christmas can bring sadness as well as joy.

It’s ok not to be ok at Christmas

Sometimes, the festive celebrations lead us only to thoughts of those who are no longer with us. If someone close to you has died the prospect of Christmas may seem unbearable. Grief takes its toll and it’s a process we all have to come to terms with.

Remember, it’s okay to feel sad, angry or upset. Even though you might experience great pressure to put on a happy face at Christmas time. These feelings are natural particularly if the bereavement was recent. Be aware that you may need to put time aside to look after yourself.

But this time of year can also be a positive opportunity. A chance to remember happy times you had with those who have passed away. Tell funny stories, share favourite memories and reflect on their importance in your life.

Christmas can be an opportunity to cherish and keep alive the memories you have of them.

Counselling and support services

Find out more information about The Spark and our counselling services for individuals, couples and families.

beating the winter blues - image of woman watching a film with popcorn

In the final part of The Spark’s ‘How to cope with the winter blues’ series, we’re offering a few more tips on keeping your mood up when the sun is going down.

You can catch up with part 1 and part 2 where we looked at how a ‘sexy raincoat’, not being Gordon Gekko and embracing the opportunities of the winter season are essential to beating the winter blues.

Beating the winter blues – tip 7: Stay hydrated

Staying hydrated is crucial to maintaining the healthy function of every system in our bodies. From the brain, to the heart and muscles, hydration is vitally important. Water helps carry nutrients to your cells and flushes bacteria from your bladder. Not only that, dehydration is linked to anger, fatigue and mood swings.

To stay hydrated we are advised to consume around 1.2 – 2 litres of water each day depending on our local climate. In the winter the prospect of drinking 6-8 glasses of cold water is rather unappealing. Especially when you are already feeling cold!

Try these tips on sneaky and easy ways to stay hydrated without having to actually drink 2 litres of water. Soon you will be beating the winter blues and feeling better.

Beating the winter blues – tip 8: Give yourself things to look forward to

In the darkest months, it can feel like there is not much to look forward to. Summer is a distant hope and January seems like a waste of a month. Beating the winter blues can often feel like a battle you cannot win. Fight back by giving yourself things to look forward to instead.

Making plans for the summer is an obvious one but also consider what you can look forward to during winter.

Make a list of favourite movies or albums and watch/listen to them, one per week, through the winter months. Plan nights out with friends (definitely including some funny ones as recommended in part 2) or spruce up your home with décor to make it a warm and inviting place to spend your evenings.

Counselling and support services

The winter months can be a difficult time for many of us. Practical tools and tips can often help but sometimes we need to dig a little deeper to understand the source of our unhappiness.

Find out more information about The Spark and our counselling services for individuals, couples and families.

beat the winter blues by laughing with friends - image of group of friends laughing together

Welcome to part 2 of The Spark’s ‘How to cope with the winter blues’ series offering our tips on ways to defeat the winter blues.

Catch up on part 1 of ‘How to cope with the winter blues’ where we looked at how embracing the winter season, taking up a new indoor pastime and ignoring your inner Eeyore is a great foundation for a happier you. In part 2 we will be looking at the importance of taking a lunch break, changing your coat and having a laugh.

Winter blues – tip 4: Laugh

Serotonin is the natural, feel-good hormone released by our brains when we are exposed to sunlight. This chemical makes us feel happy, calm and focused. But in northern hemisphere countries, our daily dose of serotonin takes a serious hit during winter.

Laughter, however, releases serotonin and a whole load of endorphins too. So when the sun is stuck behind grey winter clouds or you’ve not had the chance to get outside all day, get laughing.

Watch funny programmes and films on TV or online. Download comedy podcasts or pick up a funny book from the library. Pop along to your local comedy club or think of the funniest people you know and spend time with them.

How you do it doesn’t matter as long as you laugh long and hard. To get you started here’s a gem from the nation’s favourite, Michael McIntyre.

Winter blues – tip 5: Use the daylight we do get

Gordon Gekko has a lot to answer for. Michael Douglas’ character in the film ‘Wall Street’ preached that “lunch is for wimps” something we all seem to have taken to heart.

Being chained to your desk is bad for your health even in the summertime when you can enjoy some late evening sun. In the winter months, it’s downright dangerous. There is nothing worse than watching the sunrise and then set again, from behind an office window.

the winter blues - don't be Gordon Gekko. Images of Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko in Wall Street. — Don’t be Gordon Gekko…

Take advantage of what daylight there is and get outside for a walk, jog or even a run at lunchtime. Meet a friend or colleague for a bit of company and make a point of using the daylight we do get during the winter.

Winter blues – tip 6: Get a sexy raincoat

When the winter weather is trying its best to make us feel like Noah watching the water rise, going outside is the last thing we’d like to do. But as Billy Connolly said: “There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing. So get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little!”

Catch up with part 1 of The Spark’s ‘How to cope with the winter blues’ series and find out why embracing the winter season and taking up a new indoor hobby can make for a happier you.

Counselling and support services

The winter months can be a difficult time for many of us. Practical tools and tips can often help but sometimes we need to dig a little deeper to understand the source of our unhappiness.

Find out more information about The Spark and our counselling services for individuals, couples and families.

how to be heat the winter blues - take a walk in the winter sunshine

When the days start getting shorter and the nights longer, many people start to feel their mood drop. Unlike Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) – a form of clinical depression – the ‘winter blues’ is a general term for the feelings of sadness and lethargy we can all experience as the temperature drops and the memories of summer fade.

In this new series from The Spark, we are going to offer our advice on some great ways to cope with the winter blues and make the best of the season.

Winter blues – tip 1: Embrace the winter

Going into the darker months resigned to developing the winter blues rarely helps us get much out of the season. Surprisingly there are plenty of reasons to enjoy and embrace shorter days and longer nights and fight those winter blues.

Plummeting temperatures are perfect for winter sports. Dust off your ice skates, dig the sledge out of the garage or take a look at skiing/snowboarding lessons. Why not try out Scotland’s ‘other national sport’ curling and follow in the footsteps of world-beaters Rhona Martin, Eve Muirhead and David Murdoch.

Remember all those books you planned to read during the lazy summer months but never got around to? In Japan they are called ‘tsundoku’ and winter is the ideal time to knock a few off. While the snow is piling up outside, cosy up with a good read and be whisked away to sunnier climes.

Winter blues – tip 2: Take up an indoor hobby

Just because it’s unappealing to continue outdoor hobbies during the winter doesn’t mean the end of enjoyable pastimes. Pick up an old indoor hobby or find a new one to occupy your time on dark evenings.

Drawing, crafts, knitting, painting, cooking, board games, calligraphy, learn a new language or polish up on an old one. The list of potential winter distractions is almost endless.

Sporting endeavours don’t need to take a winter break. Channel your inner Darcy Bussell or Bruno Tonioli and take up ballroom dancing lessons. Try yoga, pilates or indoor exercise classes. Hit your local pool or dust off the old badminton racquet.

Winter blues – tip 3: You don’t have to feel miserable

Much of the population turns into Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh around late October and stays that way until April. Committed to being miserable seemingly for no other reason than it being winter and that’s what you do.

When we believe we have to suffer through winter it is natural to look negatively upon opportunities to actually have fun. For example, instead of saying ‘I could go out and meet my friends’ we feel too miserable to go to the effort of leaving the house. Instead of going out for a walk in the bright (albeit chilly) winter sunshine, we stay at home and grumble about how short the days are.

Bottom line? Just because its winter doesn’t mean we have to feel miserable.

Coming soon: More tips to beat the winter blues coming up in parts 2 and 3. Stay tuned on Twitter and Facebook.

Counselling and support services

The winter months can be a difficult time for many of us. Practical tools and tips can often help but sometimes we need to dig a little deeper to understand the source of our unhappiness.

Find out more information about The Spark and our counselling services for individuals, couples and families.

being happy often feels like pushing a boulder up a hill

Why does being happy – at times – feel like such hard work? Instead of an easy path to a relaxed and consistent glow of contentment, it often feels like pushing a boulder up a hill; a brief moment of satisfaction at the peak before it rolls back down the other side and we start all over again.

Parts 1, 2 and 3 of The Spark’s ‘How to Be Happy’ series considered some scientific, psychological and philosophical perspectives on happiness. In the final part of the series, our focus turns to the metaphorical boulder referred to earlier.

The ‘boulder’ is the common myths that either block our view of the path to happiness or make achieving it a constant, arduous uphill struggle. By dispelling them we hope to offer you a clearer view of the path to lasting happiness.

Myth 1: Finding ‘true’ love will make me happy

A cursory glance at any of the music charts from the last 50 years would give the impression that the way to happiness is to find your ‘true’ love. The myth is that in finding ‘the one’ we will be blissfully happy. Not just happiness for a temporary, passionate romance but one that will last the rest of our lives.

In his book, ‘The Happiness Hypothesis’, Jonathan Haidt dispels this myth. The passion characteristic of the early stages of a romance is very real. Indeed, Haidt points out that the euphoria can be as addictive as heroin or cocaine.

What happens when the passion fades?

However, like a drug, its effects are temporary and eventually wear off. So, what about those relationships that are long-lasting and seem to the external observer to be mutually satisfying?

Haidt argues that these lucky couples experience something quite different from ‘true’ love. In the early days of their relationship, they may well have experienced the seemingly magical effects of romantic love. As this fades, those that become long-lasting are based on what Haidt calls ‘companionate love’: caring for each other and building a life-long, trusting relationship.

It may not be the basis for a catchy pop song but it is a more reliable basis for happiness than the romanticised concept of ‘true’ love.

Myth 2: I will only be really happy when I am free

Ever wondered what it would be like to leave your troubled life behind and move to the other side of the world? Surely, away from the stresses and strains of debt, conflict and obligations, you would be truly happy. You would be truly free to satisfy your every whim and live in perpetual happiness. Lottery tickets are sold in their millions based on this belief.

Over 100 years ago, sociologist, Emile Durkheim, actually found the opposite to be true.

He researched the factors that affect the suicide rate in any given country and made an important discovery. Durkheim found that the stronger social relationships are, the lower the suicide rate.

Relationships make us happy

Ties to family, work and home keep us ‘grounded’ and give structure to our lives. A life without strong ties becomes meaningless. Here at The Spark, we find in our daily counselling of adults, children and couples that Durkheim’s insight is as true today as it was a century ago; relationships make us happy.

There are often stories in the media about the stresses of isolation. You may have seen for yourself the tendency for older people to become unhappy as their contemporaries die around them. For them, it is not only the challenge of spending so much time alone but the feeling of loneliness.

It is possible to feel desperate and lonely even in a busy city when you have no long-term friendships. A feeling of belonging helps us to feel happy.

Myth 3: The pursuit of fame and fortune will make me happy

In the past, only the most brazen would admit to life goals consisting of money and fame. The ‘Instagram generation’ brought up on Big Brother and Love Island, is the first to openly admit that the pursuit of fame and fortune – a drive that exists in most of us – is their chosen path to ‘happiness’.

How many times have we all whispered, internally at least, ‘if only I was world famous then everything would be very different’? We persist in doing the lottery despite never winning, dreaming that the jackpot will change everything. (Of course, it rarely does. Studies dating back as far as the 1970s indicate that lottery winners may experience a temporary increase in happiness levels but this tends to return to previous levels after a short time).

Ask yourself the ‘deathbed question’ and you are less likely to be attracted to money and fame. How many of us are likely to say on our dying day: ‘Oh, I wish I’d worked harder to get that promotion,’ or ‘I should have spent more time in the office and made a name for myself?’ If we are more honest we are more likely to say ‘I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.’ Or ‘I should have spent more time with my parents before they passed away.’

Stay connected to be happy

In one of the longest studies of happiness ever conducted it is relationships that seem to have the greatest effect on human happiness. The Harvard Study of Human Happiness has been running for over 80 years and has tracked happiness levels of over 1,500 people.

The findings are conclusive showing that close relationships rather than money or fame are what provides long-term happiness. Once again this chimes perfectly with our own experience providing counselling and support for over 50 years. Difficult and broken relationships are often the root of unhappiness and pain in our lives.

So what do we do now?

Across a variety of studies and a number of experts, there is a consensus that close and long-lasting relationships are the surest route to happiness. So, what do we do if we are unhappy with our lives or despair that we will never find long-term contentment?

On his website, Jonathan Haidt suggests that you do ‘A Relatedness Check-up’. The questions are simple:

Who are the people in your life you care about?
Who cares about you?
Are there at least a few people?
How often do you see them?

Humans are social beings and valuing relationships is a well-evidenced route to happiness. As Haidt himself says, ‘We were made for love, friendship, and family, and when we spend a lot of time alone or free ourselves from the “constraints” of relationships, it is generally bad for us.’

Catch up on part 1, part 2 and part 3 of The Spark’s ‘How to Be Happy’ series.

Counselling and support services

Relationships are the key to happiness in our lives but they can be challenging, tough and painful at times. The Spark has been providing relationship counselling to individuals, couples, families and children for over 50 years. Helping our clients understand what can be done to improve their relationships.

Find out more information about The Spark and our counselling services for individuals, couples and families.

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Greg Lake, ‘I Believe in Father Christmas’

Mud, ‘Lonely this Christmas’

Celine Dion, ‘Don’t Save It All for Christmas Day’

Shane McGowan and Kirsty McCall, ‘Fairytale of New York’

Joni Mitchell, ‘River’

Ron Sexsmith, ‘Maybe This Christmas’

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Band Aid, ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’

A ‘turkey’ of a Christmas hit

John Lennon and Yoko Ono, ‘Happy Christmas (War is Over)’

Time to reflect on the year passed and the one yet to come

Alicia Keys, ‘Blended Family (What You Do For Love)’

Families come in all shapes and sizes

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Wham, ‘Last Christmas’

Coping with a broken heart at Christmas

Paul McCartney, ‘Pipes of Peace’

Tell stories, play games and be together at Christmas

The Pretenders, ‘2000 Miles’

It’s ok not to be ok at Christmas

Counselling and support services

Beating the winter blues – tip 7: Stay hydrated

Beating the winter blues – tip 8: Give yourself things to look forward to

Counselling and support services

Winter blues – tip 4: Laugh

Winter blues – tip 5: Use the daylight we do get

Winter blues – tip 6: Get a sexy raincoat

Counselling and support services

Winter blues – tip 1: Embrace the winter

Winter blues – tip 2: Take up an indoor hobby

Winter blues – tip 3: You don’t have to feel miserable

Counselling and support services

Myth 1: Finding ‘true’ love will make me happy

What happens when the passion fades?

Myth 2: I will only be really happy when I am free

Relationships make us happy

Myth 3: The pursuit of fame and fortune will make me happy

Stay connected to be happy

So what do we do now?

Counselling and support services