male infertility

Men are in general pretty bad at talking about their feelings. They are taught from their earliest years – both explicitly and implicitly – to hold emotions in.

Never cry, get on with it and barely whisper about what is upsetting you. When it comes to male infertility, the whisper typically fades to complete silence.

male infertility

For many men with diagnoses ranging from low sperm counts to poor sperm mobility, infertility can become a hidden source of mental health problems.

Male infertility and the impact on mental health


Fertility problems can leave men with intense feelings of anger, shame, resentment and confusion. But their default setting is to stay silent about how infertility makes them feel.

This unwillingness to talk about problems is not however only down to childhood conditioning. Men struggle to open up about the gut wrenching emotions of infertility for many reasons.

unhappy men

A system set up for female infertility


From a practical perspective it is difficult for men because society is geared towards dealing with female infertility.  Consequently the support structures for men are very limited.

It is not uncommon to hear of a man being given a blunt diagnosis, handed a pamphlet about sperm donation and sent back in to the world to ‘get on with it’.

Apart from being a completely unsympathetic way to deal with earth-shaking news, it is probably the worst way to deal with a group so disinclined to deal with their emotions in the first place.

Don’t question his virility


Another significant barrier is the importance and symbolism of male virility.

The ability to procreate can be considered the essence of what it means to be male. Like childbirth for women it is something that remains no matter how gender roles and societal norms shift over time.

To have that questioned or even rendered void is a fundamental challenge to his sense of self. Only sufferers can truly understand the impact.

Here’s some more bad news…


The problem of male infertility is not going away and in fact, it is getting worse.

Couples in western society are delaying procreation until well in to their 30s and early 40s, bringing with it a host of age-related challenges.

male infertility

Worse still, recent studies have shown that male fertility rates have dropped by over 50% since the 1970s.

With little support and advice out there it can feel almost impossible for wives and partners to know how to help. Thankfully there are some straightforward steps you can take to support your loved one.

Encourage him to talk about infertility. And then keep encouraging him.


And then encourage him some more.

There are hundreds of chat boards, forums and support groups aimed at women. On them they are sharing experiences, encouraging and helping each other deal with fertility challenges.

By contrast there is very little for men. Therefore wives, partners, friends and family need to research, prompt, cajole and support men as they begin to access help to share their own emotions.

Search online for male infertility support groups and online forums. Speak to your fertility clinic or consultant about support groups for men in your area and search for them online as well.

Speak to a counsellor


Opening up about infertility to a partner, friends or family can be daunting for many men. In the first instance, talking to a partner can bring up intense feelings of failure for not ‘coming up with the goods’ or ‘not being a man’.

With mates it can be impossible to even admit there is a problem in testosterone-fueled environments like the pub or Saturday morning five-a-side football. Family can simply feel too close and brings with it similar anxieties about expectations and opinions.

An objective, independent counsellor – particularly with experience in the area of male infertility – can provide the gentle guidance needed to help men come to terms with their diagnoses.

Counselling provides ‘head space’ and an environment free from the heavy burden of expectations and opinion.

Do not place blame


The medical profession treats infertility as two separate issues: female fertility and male fertility.

As a result either the man or women comes under the magnifying glass as ‘the problem’. Cue the apportioning of blame.

Many couples that have successfully navigated infertility often talk about ‘our problem’. Irrespective of whether a physical issue resides with the male or female, getting pregnant is ultimately a team effort.

It is vital that partners are as supportive as possible and do not place ‘blame’. No matter whether it is – in medical terms at least – a male or female problem.

Avoid pressure


A poor fertility report can often create a frenzied sense of urgency to do anything to improve chances of conception. But be mindful of the magnitude of the diagnosis. Time and space is needed for anyone – male or female – to process such devastating news.

Pressure to start trying herbal remedies, consuming supplements and changing habits could negatively impact your chances of conceiving.

Stress is a significant contributor to male fertility problems across the board. So you could end up undoing all the benefits of having a supplement consuming, veg-eating, non-pants-wearing partner.


Are you dealing with male infertility issues?

 

Our counsellors have extensive experience helping couples and individuals deal with infertility and the strain it places on relationships.

From our local centres around Scotland we provide support to couples and families coming to terms with infertility or fertility issues.

To find out more freephone 0808 802 0050 or complete an enquiry form.

You can also search for your nearest counselling centre.

One of the common problems presented by school pupils to our counsellors is the tricky issue of social media.

Children and young people are the section of our society that first embraced social media platforms.

The highs and lows of social media

They have been the first to experience the highs and lows of social media.

Sadly they are also, in many respects, the least well-equipped to deal with the emotional and mental challenges presented by various social media platforms like Twitter and Snapchat.

We recently caught up with Lucy Gordon, one of our senior Children and Young People counsellors to pick her brain on social media.

Lucy Gordon talks social media platforms

The advent of social media has made us more connected than ever but at what cost to young people?

Lucy: “Social media has become an amazing way for people of all ages to broaden their horizons.

It can open up new possibilities, create new relationships and provide a forum for self-expression. These are all positives that are valuable to children and young people as they grow and develop.

There are however some downsides. In particular from the way children and young people are now bombarded by perfect selfies, images of friends laughing and joking together.

They are constantly scrutinising other people’s lives and lifestyles and making comparisons to their own.

The reality is that a lot of these images are not a true reflection of people’s lives. It is hard for anyone not to be deceived by these photos.

For young people it is especially so and that is one of the ways social media platforms can be bad for their mental and emotional health.”

What is your experience of the negative effects on children and young people of using social media platforms?

Lucy: “What is presented through social media is curated by each individual. Images on Instagram or Snapchat are often taken multiple times. Just to try and get the right angle, the right lighting.

Young people – as many adults do – crop, tweak, add filters and manipulate the images to present an impression of how they want to be perceived. The difficulty comes when young people consume those images of friends and celebrities.

Separating the reality from the artificial reality created on social media is tough.

Too often young people believe the doctored reality and look very unfavourably upon themselves as a result.

Typically this is in terms of their appearance, popularity or perceived success or failure in life.”

Is the challenge of social media just related to the carefully managed images young people consume?

Lucy: “It is a big part of it but not the only one. Social media has become a source of validation for young people. Naturally we all seek the approval of friends and peers and social media has become an extension of that.

We post images and wait in anticipation to see how many ‘likes’ we get to validate our being. When they do not come it can create all sorts of additional anxieties, fears and concerns for young people.”

Instagram like icon

So are we giving social media platforms a big thumbs down?

Lucy: “Absolutely not! Like I mentioned before, social media has the potential to do great, positive things for children and young people.

As a society we need to educate and support children and young people so they fully understand the risks and potential implications of how they behave online and on social media platforms.

The doctored reality often presented on social media has the potential to exacerbate feelings of isolation, loneliness and anxiety. This can feed into a cycle of unrealistic social, physical and lifestyle expectations.

It can create a real negative impact upon their sense of self-worth, confidence and wellbeing.

That’s the risk we need to guard against through education and support, like our work providing counselling and education programmes in Scottish schools.”

Are the challenges of social media specific to certain platforms?

Lucy: “A recent survey of almost 1,500 14-24 year olds looked at the impact of the four most popular social media platforms: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat.

The research for the Royal Society for Public Health found that all four contribute negatively to young people’s sense of self, body image, levels of anxiety, sleep and fear of missing out.

Each platform does have its own challenges but across the board these main issues are present on all of the main platforms commonly used by children and young people.”

How can the work of The Spark in schools help with the challenges of social media?

Lucy: “Our education programmes can help to teach children and young people about the risks and potential implications of using social media, and online media in general.

It’s important to help them fully understand the risks but also make them confident enough to make sense of social media.

Where our counsellors are based in schools they provide a safe and supportive environment for children and young people.

If they feel overwhelmed or anxious about social media, they can find support there.”

George Harrison Any Road

Songs for Sound Minds #19 – ‘Any Road’ by George Harrison


‘If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.’

This may seem a statement of the blooming obvious if ever there was one.  However, how many of us have wasted time on fruitless activities rather than identifying our priorities for the future?

Being unclear about our goals can leave us feeling frustrated, stressed and exhausted.

How much happier would we feel if we could summon the energy to clarify where we would like to be?

George Harrison Any Road

‘Any Road’ by George Harrison

‘Any Road’ released in 2003, was the last single by George Harrison.  As ‘the quiet Beatle’ he was one of the ‘Fab Four’ who had so much influence on pop culture and contemporary life since their first hit back in 1962.

So what is George saying in this song that could help us understand our own mental health?

The element of chance

The song recognises that there is a natural element of chance in our lives but that embracing such an approach in every way has implications.

‘We pay the price with a spin of a wheel, with the roll of a dice.’ 

The suggestion is that a more conscious approach to decision making might result in fewer regrets.  By leaving things to chance we are risking our own happiness.

Overcoming our own doubts and insecurities

It may be at times that if we want to achieve something we need to overcome our own doubts and lack of confidence.

As Harrison sings, ‘we’ve got to fight with the thoughts in the head, with the dark and the light’ – those fears, insecurities and anxieties that we all struggle with in varying degrees.

Storm clouds

It is not enough to be clear about where we are going. We also need to realise that we may need to overcome the obstacles those fears and anxieties create.

Bringing East and West together

Much of George Harrison’s solo output attempted to integrate Eastern religion into Western life and this song is no exception.

His most famous solo song, ‘My Sweet Lord’ mixes the Judeo-Christian ‘Hallelujah’ with the Hindu ‘Hare Krishna.’

Harrison introduced his fellow band members, John, Paul and Ringo, to Transcendental Meditation in 1967 and, also, he had a life-long interest in the Hare Krishna movement.

In the song, ‘Any Road’ he presents themes common to Eastern faiths and beliefs.

‘There was no beginning, there is no end, it wasn’t born and never dies, there are no edges, there is no sides.’ 

Regardless of this philosophising, George concludes the song by reiterating his pragmatic refrain ‘but if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.’

George Harrison and Alice in Wonderland

The song has been compared with Alice in Wonderland and in particular the conversation between Alice and the Cheshire Cat.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” asks Alice.

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” replies the Cheshire Cat.

Having a sense of direction

It may seem, at times that life is as surreal as Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.  We can ruminate on the whys and wherefores of life.

‘You may not know where you came from, may not know who you are,’ but there’s a lot to be gained from having a good sense of direction.

Otherwise, ‘If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.’



Songs For Sound Minds – music tracks written as an anthem to overcoming the storms of life. The songs that give hope in those times when we are struggling.

Find more Songs for Sound Minds or suggest a track on Twitter or Facebook using the hashtag #SongsForSoundMinds

 

 

Benjamin Clementine

Songs for Sound Minds #18 – ‘Phantom of Aleppoville’ by Benjamin Clementine


On the surface ‘Phantom of Aleppoville’ by Benjamin Clementine is a song about bullying. Dig a little deeper and it becomes a celebration of surviving and learning to be at peace with the experience.

Many of us have experienced bullying and the often profound, negative effects on our self-esteem and confidence. In the song Benjamin Clementine – winner of the 2015 Mercury Prize for his haunting debut album ‘At least for now’ – explores the impact bullying had on him.

We won’t leave you alone

Like so many his bullying occurred in school following the transition from primary to secondary. Combined with the eventual divorce of his parents, Clementine struggled to handle the relentless bullying and feelings of helplessness familiar to almost all victims.

‘We won’t leave you alone
We want you to die
We won’t leave you alone.’

The composition of the song was influenced by Clementine’s study of the work of British psychiatrist, Donald Winnicott. Winnicott determined that bullying – albeit on a lesser scale – could produce similar patterns of trauma in patients as those of war.

Where is Aleppoville?

This theme features most obviously in the setting for Clementine’s recollections. Aleppoville – the ‘little city of Aleppo’- is where children experience bullying according to Clementine.

It may not be intentional, but to choose Aleppo as the location of his song is surely more than coincidence. The real Aleppo has of course been at the centre of the ongoing Syrian civil war that has devastated the lives of countless children and families.

Choosing forgiveness

Benjamin ClementineDespite the trauma of his experiences, Clementine draws the song to a conclusion based on his chosen path of acceptance and forgiveness. Realising that he will never know why he was bullied, he has forgiven them – characterised as a single individual, ‘Billy the bully’.

‘Billy the bully, it’s alright
You’ve been forgiven
Come on now Zacchaeus
Come down from your sycamore tree
We’re dancing, roses are found dancing’

Clementine visualises himself inviting Billy to come down from his perch and join him as Jesus of Nazareth did with Zacchaeus the hated tax collector. The traditional roles have been reversed: the bully is the one now fearfully hiding in the tree whilst the victim is free to dance on the ground below.

What makes a bully a bully?

By swapping the roles of the bully and victim Clementine highlights an important truth: that bullies tend to bully as a reaction to anxieties, pain and unhappiness in their own lives. Interestingly it was Winnicott who first hypothesised the link between anti-social behaviour and an inadequate or ruptured home environment.

According to the NSPCC, nearly half of all children and young people are bullied at some point in their school lives.  Childline reported 24,000 counselling sessions with children about bullying in 2016/17.  The effects on the young person’s mental health can be startling and the NHS website states that bullying can lead to self-harm, depression and suicidal thoughts.

Reaching a state of forgiveness is a big challenge for the victims of bullying. Supporting them to reach the kind of contentment found by Clementine is something that we at The Spark embrace as a central purpose of our counselling and support services.

Equally we have a duty to consider the wider issue of how bullies are created. By supporting children who struggle with issues like family breakdown and anger we can prevent them becoming another ‘Billy the bully’.


The Spark’s Children & Young People’s counsellors work in primary and secondary schools supporting individuals to address these inter-connected issues. By working with children dealing with difficult life experiences, we can help to reduce the incidence of bullying in schools.

If you know of someone who is being bullied or whose mental health has been affected by bullying call us on our freephone number 0808 802 0050 or complete and enquiry form.

Find out more about our counselling services and our work providing school-based counsellors.


Songs For Sound Minds – music tracks written as an anthem to overcoming the storms of life. The songs that give hope in those times when we are struggling.

Find more Songs for Sound Minds or suggest a track on Twitter or Facebook using the hashtag #SongsForSoundMinds

school pupils

The Spark is at the forefront of efforts to improve the mental and emotional wellbeing of school pupils in Scotland. It is widely recognised that a child’s ability and readiness to learn can be compromised by difficult life experiences.

Through counselling, education programmes and training for teachers we are helping schools manage the emotional and mental wellbeing of pupils. Thus allowing teachers and pupils to focus purely on learning and raising attainment.

School pupils come first thanks to counselling services from The Spark


Deputy First Minister John Swinney MSP recently visit Abercromby Primary to see the impact that school-based counselling has had on raising attainment. The school has partnered with The Spark since the start of 2017 to provide counselling for pupils.

During his visit the Deputy First Minister met with pupils, teachers and parents to hear about the benefits of placing youth counsellors in schools. At the conclusion of his visit, the Minister hailed the positive impact of school-based counselling:

school pupils school-based counselling John Swinney The Spark“I was delighted to visit Abercromby Primary School in Clackmannanshire and see first-hand the positive impact and effect that the Spark counselling service is having on young people at the school.

This service is providing a safe space to identified children, giving them an opportunity to explore their feelings and emotions.

Our children’s health and emotional wellbeing is one of the most important considerations that we must take as parents, carers and teachers. Counselling can play a key role in improving pupil health and wellbeing and can have a direct positive impact on attainment.”

Launched at the end of 2016, the Pupil Equity Fund was established to help close the attainment gap. Schools across Scotland have turned to The Spark to support those efforts through school-based counselling.

Supporting pupils dealing with anger issues, parental conflict & family breakdown


Counselling can support pupils as they process significant life challenges. Negative influences upon their lives – parental conflict, poverty, bullying and family breakdown – can severely compromise a child’s readiness to learn.

Mental and emotional support through counselling can reduce the impact of such issues and provide pupils with enhanced opportunities to realise their potential.

Counselling makes a positive impact on young lives


Through counselling and other support services, Abercromby Primary plus 10 other schools in Clackmannanshire have benefitted from The Spark’s therapeutic services for children.

Measured against the Scottish Government’s SHANARRI* indicators, the following outcomes were achieved by the end of the 2016/17 academic year:

  • School pupils that experienced an improvement in their distress levels had an average 9-point shift. A significant improvement by clinical standards
  • Feedback from teachers confirmed that counselling is positively impacting upon behaviour, concentration levels, pupil motivation and pupil resilience
  • 89% of parent responses stated there had been some positive change/lots of positive change in their children.

Youth counsellors have worked on a wide-range of issues with school pupils during the academic year. Presenting problems illustrate the significant challenges facing children and young people growing up in Scotland. These included:

  • Anger and aggression
  • Trauma
  • Anxiety
  • Parental mental health issues
  • Kinship/foster care
  • Loss and bereavement.

Supporting parents and families


Parental feedback from our work in Clackmannanshire confirmed that parents considered counselling a valuable service for their children. Furthermore they believe counselling is having a positive impact upon children in terms of:

  • How happy they are to attend school
  • Attendance and timekeeping
  • Their behaviour at home
  • Their willingness to talk to parents about personal difficulties.

school pupilsUtilising the Pupil Equity Fund to provide counselling is an effective way to close the attainment gap. We have been engaged by schools across Scotland to support in excess of 5,000 pupils during the 2017/18 academic year.

Visit The Spark website to find out how our Children and Young People counselling and programmes could benefit your school. Read about our counselling services for Primary schools and counselling in Secondary schools.

You can also download a copy of the Clackmannanshire Council evaluation referred to in this article.

Relationship First Aid for Teachers

Find out more about the Relationship First Aid for Teachers courses which are delivered throughout the academic year in locations across Scotland.

Counselling in schools

To find out more about how The Spark’s school-based counselling and support services could benefit your school, complete an enquiry form or contact the CYP Team on 0141 222 3910.

* SHANARRI – safe, healthy, active, nurtured, achieving, respected, responsible and included.

school counselling deputy first minister John Swinney

Scotland’s Deputy First Minister John Swinney visited Abercromby Primary to see how the Pupil Equity Fund is being used to support the mental and emotional wellbeing of children. The Clackmannanshire school is utilising the fund to provide counselling to pupils via The Spark’s Children and Young People Team.

school counselling deputy first minister John Swinney

In Clackmannanshire alone The Spark’s youth counsellors have worked with 55 pupils and their families since the start of 2017, primarily addressing issues of mental and emotional wellbeing.

After meeting with pupils, parents, teachers and The Spark’s school counsellors, the Deputy First Minister said:

“Our children’s health and emotional wellbeing is one of the most important considerations that we must take as parents, carers and teachers. Counselling can play a key role in improving pupil health and wellbeing and can have a direct positive impact on attainment.

We know that if a child’s emotional and mental wellbeing are negatively impacted by difficult experiences, then learning is fundamentally and significantly impaired. 

I was delighted to visit Abercromby Primary School in Clackmannanshire and see first-hand the positive impact and effect that The Spark counselling service is having on young people at the school. This service is providing a safe space to identified children, giving them an opportunity to explore their feelings and emotions.” 

Helping over 5,000 children in 2017/18


During the 2017/18 academic year The Spark will support over 5,000 pupils through counselling and wellbeing services. Investment in those services will come through the Scottish Government’s Pupil Equity Fund.

The fund provides £120m that head teachers are able to access in order to close the poverty related attainment gap.

Several Clackmannanshire Council schools are investing in pupil counselling as well as other support services provided by The Spark. Support services include the unique Relationship First Aid for Teachers training.

Positive feedback from parents


Evaluation of counselling completed during the January – May 2017 semester for Clackmannanshire Council demonstrated positive outcomes for pupils, teachers and parents:

  • 61% of pupils initially referred for counselling were experiencing emotional distress. After completing counselling sessions this had reduced to 7%
  • Parents noted substantial positive change in their child following counselling. 89% of parents confirming ‘some positive change’ or ‘lots of positive change’ in their child
  • Teacher feedback confirmed counselling is contributing to SHANARRI wellbeing indicators* and a positive impact on pupil concentration levels, behaviour, coping skills and motivation.

Deputy First Minister hails “positive impact” of school-based counselling


school counselling John Swinney The Spark

Concluding his visit to Abercromby Primary the Deputy First Minister hailed the positive impact of school-based counselling and the collborative approach taken by The Spark:

“With the financial support of the Scottish Government’s Pupil Equity Funding – spent at the discretion of Headteachers – this service is carried out effectively through collaborative working between the school and the local authority. 

It is done with the firm understanding that a child’s ability to learn in the classroom does not exist in isolation of the wider circumstances that they may be coping with at home and in their community. It is essential that all children are given appropriate support to achieve their potential.”

Current commitments for the 2017/18 academic year will see The Spark will support over 5,000 Scottish school children. Through our network of coordinators, youth counsellors and service scalability we expect to support more schools in the coming year.

Counselling and support services for schools from The Spark


The Spark’s Children and Young People Team is focused on providing children with the Best Start in Life. Working with children and young people our mission is to help individuals become:

  • confident individuals
  • successful learners
  • effective contributors to society
  • responsible citizens.

Leanr more about The Spark’s school-based counselling and support services by completing an enquiry form. Alternatively contact the CYP Team on 0141 222 3910.

Find out more about The Spark’s Children and Young People programmes and how we can support your school in raising attainment. You can also read about our counselling services for Primary schools and counselling in Secondary schools.

Relationship First Aid for Teachers


Find out more about the Relationship First Aid for Teachers programme delivered throughout the academic year in locations across Scotland.

* SHANARRI – safe, healthy, active, nurtured, achieving, respected, responsible and included.

children and young people counsellors

The mental health of children and young people has rightly become a mainstream political topic this year. Barely a week has gone by without more worrying research about the mental health of children and young people. Indeed only this week a BBC report highlighted the ‘patchy’ provision of counselling for young people across Scotland.

Society is facing a rising tide of youth mental health problems but there are causes for optimism. The Scottish Government’s Pupil Equity Fund is a fine example. Launched in 2016 by Deputy First Minister John Swinney MSP, the fund allows head teachers to invest in removing the barriers to learning such as poor mental health and emotional wellbeing.

Schools, children and mental health


youth mental healthThe fund is aimed at giving head teachers autonomy to spend cash to close the poverty related attainment gap. Head teachers now have direct access to a pot of £120m which will benefit over 2,500 schools in Scotland.

Many have chosen to focus on the emotional and mental health and wellbeing of pupils by partnering with The Spark’s Children and Young People Team.

By providing youth counsellors in each school the fund is getting specialist support to children struggling with significant life issues. Evaluations of the subsequent benefits for pupils, teachers and parents over the January-May 2017 semester has been very encouraging.

Making a positive impact on children and families


A recent review of one such programme for Clackmannanshire Council demonstrated a significant positive impact on pupils, teachers and parents:

  • At the outset of the programme 61% of pupils referred for counselling were experiencing emotional distress. By the end of counselling this had reduced to just 7%
  • 89% of parents of pupils receiving counselling indicated there had been ‘some positive change’/‘lots of positive change’ after counselling.

Crucially the benefit of placing counsellors in schools extends to teachers as well as children.

Helping teachers to teach


children and young people counsellorsTeachers noticed improvements in concentration levels, behaviour, motivation and coping skills of pupils receiving counselling. Better motivated and focused pupils foster a better environment for teaching and learning.

Feedback from schools confirmed counselling is making a direct contribution when measured against the 8 SHANARRI* wellbeing indicators .

A number of schools have also utilised The Spark’s training services, providing teachers with relationship education programmes. Relationship First Aid for Teachers equips education professionals with a better understanding of attachment and relationship issues presented by children. Along with the skills to support more effectively in school.

The benefits of youth counselling


Research confirms that allocating the Pupil Equity Fund to school-based counselling and support services makes a real difference to children in Scotland. Here at The Spark we are delighted to play an important role in helping young people realise their potential in school.

Current commitments for academic year 2017/18 will see The Spark support over 5,000 school pupils. With our network of coordinators, youth counsellors and service scalability we expect to work with more schools and local authorities during the academic year.


Counselling services for schools

We would love to talk you about how The Spark’s school-based counselling and support services could benefit your school. Get in touch by completing an enquiry form. Alternatively contact the CYP Team on 0141 222 3910 (9am-5pm, Monday-Friday).

Find out more about The Spark’s Children and Young People programmes. You can also read about our counselling services for Primary schools and counselling in Secondary schools.

Read about our Relationship First Aid for Teachers courses which are delivered throughout the academic year in locations across Scotland.

* SHANARRI – safe, healthy, active, nurtured, achieving, respected, responsible and included.

Jon Bon Jovi Blood on Blood

Songs for Sound Minds #17 – ‘Blood on Blood’ by Bon Jovi


In the Songs for Sound Minds series we often pick tracks because of they have been crafted so that every line serves a very specific purpose. This week we have chosen a song on the basis of just 4 lines.

Blood on Blood by Bon Jovi

Much of Blood on Blood features the kind of lyrics that would have had parents rushing to unplug the cassette player (yes, the song is that old) of their son or daughter. Blood oaths and shoplifting are just a few of the recollections in a song that charts a misspent youth in late 1970s/early 1980s America.

It is not however the acts of the 3 teenage tearaways of Blood on Blood that are important; it is what they represent. And what they represent is something very uplifting.

Jon Bon Jovi Blood on BloodFriendships then and now

Blood on Blood – if we can distil the song down to a single theme – is about friendships. After charting the highs of their youth together, Bon Jovi’s lyrics turn somewhat melancholy. The lead singer of his eponymous band recalls how the trio have grown up and drifted apart.

‘Now Bobby, he’s an uptown lawyer
Danny, he’s a medicine man
And me, I’m just the singer
In a long haired rock’n’roll band’

Blood on Blood quickly turns from a rampaging rock anthem to a sombre reflection on lost friendship. You can hear the sadness in Bon Jovi’s voice at the end of friendships that were once everything to him. Not exactly the kind of uplifting song we usually pick for Songs for Sound Minds, is it?

A long and lonely ride

But like all good storytellers, Bon Jovi is keeping a beautiful conclusion up the sleeve of his leather biker jacket.

‘Through the years and miles between us
It’s been a long and lonely ride
But if I got that call in the dead of the night
I’d be right by your side’

The imagery here is deeply moving. A weary Bon Jovi is roused from his sleep in the wee small hours. The voice at the other end of the phone is one he has not heard in years. But that makes no difference.

No matter how many months or years have passed it is never too long to reach out to that old friend for comfort. Equally it might be time to call up your childhood best friend simply to say: “I know it’s been a while but how are you doing?”

‘Blood on Blood’ by Bon Jovi


Songs For Sound Minds – music tracks written as an anthem to overcoming the storms of life. The songs that give hope in those times when we are struggling.

Find more Songs for Sound Minds or suggest a track on Twitter or Facebook using the hashtag #SongsForSoundMinds

emotional first aid guy winch

When we experience aches, pains or a chesty cough where do we head? Straight to our local doctor of course. When it comes to emotional pain – guilt, loss, loneliness – what do we do? Most of the time we try to sort it ourselves.

We (try to) keep calm and carry on. Instead of seeking the help of a professional – as we do for physical health problems – we soldier on. Often with wildly varying degrees of success or failure.

The concept of emotional first aid


It is this preference for dealing with mental health challenges on our own that has inspired the concept of emotional first aid. In this thought-provoking talk, psychologist Guy Winch encourages us to stop trying to cope on our own and practice emotional first aid instead.

Based on an attitude that views physical, emotional and mental pain in exactly the same way, Winch suggests we treat all these ailments with professional help.



The Spark Counselling

Are you dealing with emotional or relationship issues at the moment? The Spark’s counselling and relationship support services offer the opportunity  to speak to a professional counsellor about the difficulties and challenges you are facing right now.

We provide counselling services to individuals, couples, children and young people, and families. To find out more freephone 0808 802 0050 or complete an online enquiry.

online counselling

When we think of counselling most of us will picture people sitting together in a quiet room talking. For the majority of individuals, couples and families this is indeed what counselling looks like. But the growth of digital technology has opened up a new form of therapy that is changing how we view counselling.

Limited options no more


Just a few years ago the options for counselling were limited to in-person or telephone sessions. Where attending therapy appointments at a counselling centre or speaking on the phone was impractical, alternatives were sparse.

Thankfully online counselling has changed things for the better.

Online counselling offers more choice


online counselling via mobile phoneOnline counselling now offers clients greater choice. How an individual or couple fit counselling sessions into their daily lives is now much more flexible. For some there might be aspects of in-person or telephone counselling that do not appeal. By contrast options such as therapy via interactive online chat or video calling can alleviate some concerns.

From a practical perspective, online counselling offers an alternative where traditional counselling settings are not practical. For example fitting in-person therapy appointments around childcare can make it all but impossible to attend. Online counselling offers a realistic alternative.

Fitting online counselling into hectic, everyday life


Similarly individuals who travel extensively for work can benefit from being able to access support no matter their location. Video calling can provide a means to connect with a therapist wherever work or travel may take a client. Maintaining a consistent therapeutic experience and ensuring progress being made continues.

Online counselling via live chat can also provide additional benefits like access to transcripts of each session. It can be difficult to remember all points discussed during a therapy session. Transcripts are beneficial therefore as a way to review key points between counselling sessions.

Online counselling can be a safer option for some


online counsellingIn more serious cases, individuals living with a difficult partner/spouse can feel in-person and/or telephone appointments are not safe. Completing a live chat session via a laptop or tablet can offer a more discrete alternative that can be completed at work for example.

Counselling via video calling can also offer an element of face-to-face content between counsellor and client even if physically being in the same room together is impossible. Many clients benefit from face-to-face interaction with their counsellor through online video calling.

Online counselling with The Spark


At The Spark we offer a range of online counselling options. From live chat to video calling, we can provide counselling services that suit your particular needs. You can find out more about our counselling services for individuals, couples and families on our website.

Alternatively freephone our team on 0808 802 0050 or complete an online enquiry to discuss how The Spark can provide counselling that meets your requirements.