Welcome to the 3rd part of our series exploring the lessons that can be learned from well-known (and some not-so-well-known) Christmas tracks. Today we are looking at relationships during the festive period and ways to keep them in good shape.
Shane McGowan and Kirsty McCall, ‘Fairytale of New York’
Our first track is the well-worn soundtrack to many Christmas parties. Although released back in 1987it is still the most played Christmas track with a BBC poll naming it the UK’s favourite Christmas track of all time.
The popularity of this track, which appeared on The Pogues album,‘If I Should Fall from Grace with God,’ may strike you as strange given the subject matter. The Pogues’ lead singer, Shane McGowan, spends most of the time lyrically sparring with guest vocalist, Kirsty MacColl, reaching a crescendo of insults half way though the song.
Christmas is often heralded as the season of ‘Peace and Goodwill’ but sometimes these expectations can be unrealistic. If you have had a challenging year in your relationship marked by rows and splits then spending long days with your partner can seem like one challenge too many.
Some friction is natural even in the best of relationships and disagreements can be positive if they lead to constructive problem solving. However, if your relationship has been tough going for a while, it might be a good idea to sit down before Christmas and agree some ground rules so that you both make it through the holiday period. For example, decide that if you feel tensions rising you will take some time out and come back to any point-of-conflict when you’re both feeling calmer.
Aim to keep things as amicable as possible while you navigate the visits to the in-laws, the long lost friends and seldom-seen relations. Try to avoid falling into the trap of expecting Christmas to provide a band-aid for your troubles.
If things have been difficult for some time then a Christmas break is unlikely to make things better and spending more time together may make things worse. More effective would be to put a date in your diary for the New Year so that you can plan constructive ways to deal with your relationship difficulties.
Joni Mitchell, ‘River’
‘River’ is a less well-known Christmas track although it is set during the holiday period and the strains of ‘Jingle Bells’ can be heard in the piano accompaniment to the song. Joni Mitchell sings of the end of a relationship, associated regrets and the desire to move on:
‘Now I’ve gone and lost the best baby that I ever had
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.’
Joni Mitchell is one of the giants of rock music’s golden age with a creative output covering folk, pop and jazz. She has broken many barriers for women in the music industry as an archetypical 70s singer/songwriter with much of her output from that decade earning critical acclaim. She is the highest ranking female guitarist of all time according to Rolling’s Stone magazine and is also an accomplished poet and artist.
‘River’ is the second most widely covered Joni Mitchell record(after ‘Both Sides Now’) having been recorded a staggering 432 times by artists as diverse as Barry Manilow and Sarah McLachlan. It documents the break-up of Mitchell’s relationship with Graham Nash of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fame. In turn, Nash wrote ‘Our House’ about happier times together.
Like Joni Mitchell you may be facing Christmas ‘singing songs of joy and peace’ but may be filled with thoughts of what might have been. Perhaps even blaming yourself for your relationship break-up. You may find yourself thinking like Mitchel who sings ‘I’m so hard to handle, I’m selfish and I’m sad, Now I’ve gone and lost the best baby that I ever had.’
Regardless of your current view it takes two to break a relationship just as it takes two to make a relationship. Don’t lose faith in yourself or your ability to form a happy relationship. Above all, look after yourself over the holidays, eat as well as you can, exercise and make sure you get plenty of rest. Sometimes we forget to look after ourselves during tough times and end up making ourselves feel even worse.
Ron Sexsmith, ‘Maybe This Christmas’
The festive season has a bad habit of turning us into a bah-humbug Grinch. The high street crowds, the TV ads, the endless Christmas songs on the radio (how ironic) and Christmas parties. Add in endless trips to see relatives, a touch of credit card debt and we have the recipe for a bad-mood-inducing festive season.
Thankfully we can turn to this wonderful, little known Christmas tune by Ron Sexsmith. It unashamedly asks us to consider the real reason for the season; peace, love and forgiveness.
As the lyrics suggest, maybe this Christmas we might all step out of long-held grudges and offer the olive branch of peace. Or maybe we might allow Christmas to challenge us to find a deeper meaning than the consumption of gifts, food and drink.
Counselling and support services
The Christmas period can be a difficult time for many of us. Whether it is due to a difficult relationship or memories of a lost loved one, we understand that not everyone is going to have a ‘happy’ Christmas this year.
At The Spark, we have been providing counselling and support to individuals, couples, families and children for over 50 years. Our aim is to help clients to better understand their emotions and experiences, and to find ways to deal with them.
Contact us via our contact form or freephone 0808 802 0050 to talk about how counselling could help you.